First time checking out therapy? Maybe others are telling you that you need it, but you’re not sure if it is right for you? People trying therapy for the first time often have questions as well as doubts when exploring the option of counseling. It is okay to have questions and feel unsure about starting something new. In this post, I would like to address some of the questions, doubts, and concerns that I hear come up when people make that first phone call to get more information.
What should I expect? Other variations of this question- how does it work? What is it like? This is a common question, and completely normal to ask when starting something new. We watch movies or shows that show a person lying on a couch or a therapist asking “how does that make you feel?” But is that what therapy is really like? Different therapists have different styles, but usually therapy should feel like a safe space to talk about the issues that are causing difficulties in your life. Most therapists (myself included) will make a plan with you so that you can identify goals that you want to work towards in your therapy sessions. Examples of therapy goals may be “learning new coping skills for anger,” “setting better boundaries with a certain person,"or “finding healthy daily habits that help me to better cope with stress.” Everyone has a different pace in working on their goals, but I usually recommend that a person starting therapy try to go once a week for a few weeks. As you start to feel better and are coping in healthier ways, that can be a good sign that you are ready to space out your sessions to every other week or once a month until you feel like you are ready to stop.
I’m not really comfortable sharing my feelings. Other variations- I’m not a very open person or I’m not very “in touch” with my emotions. We all have different personalities and different ways of coping with hard things. For some people, they go inward- they think and explore their feelings to help them understand and cope. Others are more outward or action oriented. They either focus on action to solve the problem, or turn to action to distract themselves from the problem. Your personality type isn’t right or wrong, and going to therapy doesn’t mean that you have to turn into someone that you are not. Often, therapy is about recognizing the type of personality that you have, and finding healthy ways that your personality type can cope with difficult emotions and situations. Also, we all have different comfort levels and paces when it comes to sharing about our lives, feelings, past, and problems. That is okay. It can feel risky to trust, but your therapist isn’t there to judge you, your therapist is there to listen and give you a safe space when you feel ready to explore those more difficult situations.
Someone is telling me I should try it, but how do I know if I need it? Other variations- Everyone is telling me I need it, or I’m not sure it will work for me. People sometimes come to therapy because someone they care about has suggested it. Sometimes those suggestions come in the form of gentle encouragement, and sometimes they sound more like ultimatums. While feeling cornered into doing something doesn’t feel good, if you are getting feedback from others that something needs to change, then it could be a good idea to consider why. Maybe you are comfortable with your ways of doing things, but those ways are also causing damage to your relationships. If you are reacting to things in a way that feels fine to you, but hurts others, then wouldn’t you want to consider changing your ways of reacting in order to protect others? We may not see it, but being set in our ways of doing things also means that we can get pretty stuck in negative patterns. If you are getting feedback that something needs to change, then I would encourage you to consider therapy to learn some different ways to cope, instead of staying stuck in the same patterns. Trying new things can be hard, but being open to trying new things can be a sign of maturity and growth.
I was raised believing that therapy was for crazy people. Other variations- I was taught that needing therapy means you're not ___________ (strong, tough, faithful, smart, good at problem solving, etc.) enough. Although we’ve come a long way, there is still a lot of negative stigma around mental health counseling, and even asking for help in general. We think that needing help with our struggles is a weakness. Christians can also be told that if you are having trouble with your mental health, you need to trust more in God. As much as I admire things like grit, resilience, faith, and perseverance, I also think that it is foolish to say that we are meant to get through every hard thing alone. And the funny thing is, most of us feel no shame in going to get help in so many other areas. We go to a doctor when we are sick or physically injured. We go to a cookbook for a recipe we don’t know how to make. We go to a mechanic when our car breaks down. We go to YouTube for instructions on how to fix just about everything. (Or maybe that last one is just me?) Yet it is “weakness” to go to someone and talk through a problem or learn some better ways to cope with our own hurts, confusion, and brokenness. The Bible tells Christians that we are connected. We are a body, and each part matters. When a part of our physical body is hurting, the healthy thing to do is to care for that part. The same should go for our church body. When someone is hurting, sometimes care means seeing a Christian therapist who can help walk with them and keep them on the path of healing, instead of the path of isolation and shame.
It is expensive. Variations- I’m not sure I have the resources (money, time, energy) to invest in the process. This is a valid concern. Therapy is an investment of time, money, and energy. However, it is an investment that has the potential to yield great returns. Every investment has risk, but there is potential that it will help you grow and improve your mood and interpersonal relationships. There are some platforms that require a monthly subscription, but most private practice therapists only require you to pay for one session at a time. For many people, a few sessions can go a long way, and some people do well with a session every other week or once a month. Figure out what you are able to invest, as far as money, time, and energy and then go from there. Also, if you have health insurance, many plans cover mental health counseling, and a session with an in-network therapist may only cost a small co-pay.
One that I rarely hear asked out loud, and yet can be at the root to all the doubts- I’m afraid. If this is you, I hear you, and you are not alone. Almost everyone feels that way when they first start. It can be scary to do something new and unknown. It may feel like a risk, and it is disappointing if it turns out to not be helpful. Opening up and exploring the hard things in our lives can leave us feeling vulnerable. It is my opinion that people starting therapy for the first (or even the second, third or tenth) time are incredibly brave. It takes great courage to face our pain and struggle and try something new. It is a huge honor that someone would risk opening up their heart and their story to me, and I don’t take that lightly. It is no small thing to face a fear and take a risk. But also remember that the best things in life took some level of risk to obtain. You risk feeling uncomfortable and having difficult emotions, but you also could gain new insights, coping skills and ultimately more peace. It is okay to have questions and even doubts, but if you are considering (or being asked to consider) therapy, then I would encourage you to at least give it a try and check it out. You may hate it, but it could also be really helpful. The only way to know is to try.
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